Friday, 5 January 2018

Counting Injuries

I'm a little accident prone.
Okay, I'm really very accident prone. I admit it.
However, it's now January 5th and I've gone this many days without injury.
Sort of.
Today I dropped something as I was getting vegetables out of the fridge for tea, so I bent down to pick it up.
At this point I should say that my fridge is stacked on top of my freezer, so my fridge sits higher than you might imagine.
So, I bend down to pick up the cheese I dropped and as I do so, unbeknownst to me, the fridge door starts to swing closed.
Yes, I did headbut the door with the back of my head as I stood up.
Yes it hurt like a sonofabitch.
No, there wasn't blood - which I'm counting as a win.

However, 2018 injury count is now: 1.

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Riding Bearback

I've always had a lot of wacky dreams, I don't always remember them, which is pretty disappointing!

Last night was quite spectacular in the world of dreams.
I dreamt I was seated upon my sofa, engrossed in a tv show, when I finally looked up from the tv, I noticed there had been an accident in the road immediately outside my window.
Large crowds had gathered around a lady that had been hit by a car. She was wearing a pleated navy skirt and was surrounded by people trying to help, whilst they waited for an ambulance. There was a girl who was laid on the verge sobbing, with a group of friends talking to her. For some reason I went to ask if she wanted to come inside but her friends shooed me away.

I hate it when dreams don't have an end, they just dissolve away into another dream, I have no idea what happened to the lady in the navy pleated skirt.

But as one dream dissolves away, another one slips in to replace it.

I looked out the window again, an animal had been hit by a car.
But not just any animal.
It seemed like it was a polar bear.
A polar bear was laying in the road.
But wait, it wasn't just a polar bear, there was a man there too, he was curled up like the little spoon to the bear big spoon.

It appeared that the two were unconscious.
The man started to stir, then the bear, and suddenly it wasn't a polar bear, it was a big brown bear. A huge brown bear.
I asked if they were okay and I was far, far too close to such a huge bear.
They awoke fully, the bear clambered from its prone position to being back on all four paws. Suddenly the man, wearing a wild blue puffy suit with gold trim, was seated atop the bear. He bid me farewell and rode atop the bear as it bounded off quickly across the fields.

What the flim-flam were those dreams all about?
Good grief, whatever my subconscious brain was trying to figure out, I hope it managed it.

Friday, 24 February 2017


My phone did that little noise it does when something Facebook related has occurred.

I looked at my phone, I have been tagged in a post...I must investigate further!

I digitally strolled my way over to Facebook to see more and am greeted with the following words: "Fun when you show people a very specific word definition and one of the associated images is a Facebook friend". 

I was the Facebook friend in question!

So, out there, there exists a single word that will lead you to a photograph of my good self.

I took a moment, I thought, I turned a few words over in my mind, when suddenly I had a brainwave, I tapped the letters on my keyboard and began my google search.

The results appeared and I guffawed. I snorted with laughter. My ribs hurt, my tummy hurt, so much laughter, so much.
I have no idea why I found it so utterly hilarious, I still do.
The idea that a single word will make my youthful face appear in a google search is just hilarious to me.

It's such a great word too.
Not your average run of the mill word, oh no, this is an unusual word, not one to be found in the vocabulary of many.
What's the word?

What could it BE?
Well, that'd be telling wouldn't it!

Friday, 17 February 2017


Some time ago I saw a postcard on PostSecret talking about long car journeys. The sender said that when travelling long distances and noticing another vehicle keeping pace with you for a long time, it was like you were automatic car buddies. As is often the case with the revealed secrets it struck a chord.
I wanted to add that postcard to this post, I googled and googled but it was not to be found anywhere.

I've always felt that camaraderie with other vehicles on the road as we travel along together. A brief vehicular friendship.
Unless they drive too close, in that case we are sworn enemies.
Or they don't use their lights in poor visibility.
Or they fail to indicate.
There are strict rules on my vehicular friendship apparently.

I do have a point...I'm just taking a somewhat circuitous route to get to it.

So, last week, I took a drive over to Wales to see some friends for the day.
I love being in my car and I love to drive. I love my music and the road beneath my wheels. It was a really nice drive, then I got stuck behind someone doing 40 in a 60. (This is an automatic ban from any vehicular friendship.)
As I waited for an opportunity to overtake, a blue van approached behind me, settling just a fraction too close for my liking - getting close to not being allowed into my vehicular friendship club (let's say VFC for short, it's one hell of a mouthful else).
The moment arose, a clear stretch of road opened up, I dropped down a gear and whizzed past the slowcoach.
I continued my journey and a little while later, the blue van reappeared in my rear view mirror.
I offered my mental congratulations on their success in also separating from the slowcoach.
On we went. As the miles passed and we took the same roads time and again, the blue van was a fully fledged member of the VFC. I'm not sure how long we hung out together, maybe an hour. At each turn I willed the blue van to keep following. How long could we possibly go in the same direction?

Finally, my google sat nav instructed me to turn left at the next roundabout. I put on my indicator.
Oh no!
Blue van was going straight on!
This was it, we were to be separated. I had a moment of sadness, then, sensing our imminent separation, blue van's lights flash-flash-flashed. Blue van was bidding me farewell! I held up my left arm and waved emphatically. 

It was a two-way friendship!
Goodbye blue van friend!

I sighed and carried on.
And then....

Then I discovered google had royally shafted me and sent me to the wrong place.
I should have gone straight on at the roundabout.
Google separated me from my blue van friend too soon, too soon.

I'd input the whole address of where I was going, but google had seen fit to override the post code and send me somewhere with a similar first line to the address, but whilst I'm sure it was lovely, I had no desire to visit a large organic farm. I wanted to see my friends!

I changed the address to just the post code and set off again. This time alone, no blue van friend to accompany me.

I miss you blue van friend, I hope your day was as lovely as mine.

Tuesday, 1 April 2014


I need both to pee and to blow my nose.
Neither of these are pleasant images.
But what these things have in common is that Kini is fast asleep on my lap.
Fast, fast asleep.
So asleep I cannot bring myself to move.
I can no longer feel my legs.
My legs are as asleep as my cat.
Help me.
Send tissues.

Keeping It Brief

I'm still harbouring my germs and am utterly shattered but have spent tonight watching the season finale episodes of both The Walking Dead & My Mad Fat Diary.

The Walking Dead response as the credits rolled was "what the hell? That's it? meh"
Also, where in the hell is Carol? I need to know!
But still, I had a list of characters that I didn't want killing off and they did get to live.
After all this much is understood:

And as the credits rolled for My Mad Fat Diary? My heart was happy, I contained a whoop of joy. Excellent ending. I am joyous. Excellent. Super. Fabulous. Great!

And now to bed.
Tomorrow is April 1st, end of my self-imposed blogging challenge, we'll ignore the fact that it's officially after midnight, but I only missed 1 of 31 posts, so I'm giving myself a pass.


Sunday, 30 March 2014

Mother's Day

Met up with Mum today as it's Mother's Day, so we could have some lunch.
I'm still sporting a great cough/sore throat/croaky voice/cold combo and feel a lot like crap, so I entertained Mum with my Kermit/walrus impressions.

So we get our lunch, I had a super quorn cobbler, I've never had quorn cooked like that and it was really lovely. Vegetarian food is so hit and miss, frequently painfully unimaginative so it's nice to be surprised!
There used to be this incredible little day cafe in the Lincolnshire town of Louth, I used to get excited about going there because the menu was so incredible for vegetarians.  Actually the whole menu was incredible. 
Then the last time I went it had been sold to new owners and the vegetarian menu was all but gone, just the standard single option.
I almost wept. I'm still sad about it!

Anyway....Mum & I get to the till and all Mums are being given a free cupcake! 
How lovely!
"Are you both Mums?" asks the lady at the till.
We indicate that Mum is the only Mum.
"I'm only Mum to a cat" I tell her.
She chuckles.
I'm mildly affronted that it doesn't actually count.