Tuesday, 3 February 2009


I have to note two things.
Well maybe three.
The first is that it's only just gone 9.30am and I have already had two achievements.
I'm a high achiever. For today only.
Anyway, I went for a blood test this morning and you know what the nurse got that vein first time. First time I tell you! That never happens!
Normal events are like this:
"Sharp scratch coming up, oh no, I didn't get it/the veins collapsed/I'm sure I felt it, etc, etc, etc"
Repeat 4 - 5 times per arm.
Then attempt back of the hand.
Then send to County Hospital to let the phlebotomists there have at me.
See 1 or 2 or 3 (occasionally more) phlebotomists who attempt to take blood.
At this point I think they start to believe I am some kind of scientific miracle that exists without blood. (If only I didn't have so many injuries to disprove that theory!)
The worst, worst, worst place for a blood test - the inside wrist. Horrible.
Anyway, first bloody time! I'm so happy.

So happy in fact that I came home and the second thing was achieved.
I went up a ladder.
Nothing major I know, I mean people are up and down ladders every day!
It's just that since the time I went up a ladder and came back down without using the rungs, I have been a little afraid of them.
I did break into a cold sweat it's true, but I did it.
Check. Me. Out.

Word to the wise. Always use the rungs. Don't land on the ladder after it slips and leaves you to fall from the attic. That shit hurts. And breaks your ribs. I got a totally awesome ladder-shaped bruise though!


I have some things on my mind as well. Not important things, but maybe if I share them they'll stop going round in my overstuffed mind.

Mascara adverts. Somewhere in fine print during the ads are the words "Filmed with lash inserts and enhanced in post production". What? Why? Is your mascara so terrible that the product on its own is not worth seeing?
This bugs me. I mean I can't be enhanced in post production. Oh, I wish.....
But seriously. I don't have time for lash inserts, I want mascara that doesn't need lash inserts damn it.

I bought some drawing pins the other day, when I got them home I noticed that the back of the packet had this note:

Apologies for the terrible photo, but really, now we're being told drawing pins have sharp points? How idiotic as a society have we become that we need to have this spelled out to us? I'm only surprised some of those words have more than one syllable.

Yesterday I logged on to AOL and was greeted with the headline "Wildcat strikes set to increase".
I thought it was referring to incidents like this but was disappointed to discover it actually meant this. Which is not nearly as exciting.
I mean it's serious and all, but it's just not as exciting.

Lastly, I wanted to illustrate why so many think I am a picture of elegance and grace.
Mum & Tim were packing up ready to leave their house in the village and as I had a sudden unexpected free day I went to help. I found a number of small poles and I thought it would be a good idea to keep them all together so found some elastic bands which I placed round my wrist as I gathered the poles in my hand. Now, these were quite large poles and I could only just hang onto them, being small of hand. I carefully held them with one hand whilst (cleverly) slipping the bands from the wrist over the poles, in what was designed to be one fluid motion.
Except I had the poles a little too close to my face.
And gathered a good portion of my hair into the elastic band, thus joining the poles to my wrist, hand and hair.
Oh yes, this is no simple skill.
I'll have you know, in my time of need, Tim laughed from the back of the trailer.

Wait, this is the last thing. I've started chitting my seed potatoes.
Oh yes, check me out, I know the lingo and everything.


Carrie said...

Hmmm....now I know Australia is supposed to be behind the times etc, and I suppose this is confirmation.... but we have NO disclaimers on our adverts! Why not? I want to be told about lash inserts and post production enhancements, that would add so much more value to the adverts!

Flibbertigibbet said...

Even your adverts for alcohol don't have disclaimers?
Those are great too.
"Drink your Baileys responsibly"
Where's the fun in that?

Although after my Kahlua incident, I definitely advocate drinking that responsibly...