A French Keyboard

QWERTY doesn't exist in France.
I had anticipated that there would be some difference to allow for all the accents and the like but I didn't expect to to find the first line of the keyboard say AZERTY instead. As a touch-typer the moving of those two letters is bloody confusing.
They've also moved the M, it now resides to the right of the L.
You have to hit shift to get the numbers.
And shift for a full stop.
I like the odd apostrophe, but if I hit the keyboard where I expect it to be, I get ù instead.
I have regressed to my pre-touch-typing days.
It feels so very odd!
Even the location of the exclamation mark has wandered.

I'm sure I just gained a wrinkle from the level of concentration required to complete a single sentence!

The sun is shining, I've seen the mountains, ridden a cable car (without Jaws from Bond biting through said cable), today is Mum's birthday so a birthday meal is on the cards, even Louis has been to have his hair done.

Not a bad week at all. If only the letters would rearrange themselves!!

Song Of The Week XXXI

I love Johnny Cash. But doesn't everyone? I mean, how can you not - he's a legend!
I was listening to the AOL radio yesterday, I typed in 'folk' and it presented me with a wonderful array of tracks and I heard a Johnny Cash one I'd never heard before and I decided he had to be Song Of The Week. Then this morning, again on AOL radio he popped up again, singing Danny Boy which is a song that has a special place in my heart.
So when I chose to have him for Song of The Week I was faced with a dilemma.
Did I go with Boy Named Sue, or Ring Of Fire, Hurt or Walk The Line? Or any of so many other choices?
I've only recently discovered his work with Bob Dylan and am falling in love with all of those songs.
But, I decided on him and June in the end. It's a classic!

Jackson:

Die Hard 4.0....

I love the Die Hard series. I do. I make no apology for it.
However, it's taken me ages to get around to watching the most recent installment but lovefilm thoughtfully delivered it to me at the weekend so I managed to find time to curl up on my sofa and watch it.

I liked it. I'm no movie critic, but it entertained me and that's what I want from a movie. Sometimes I want to be moved, sometimes made to think, sometimes to laugh, but always be entertained.

After the movie ended I hit the special features and found this:

I laughed so hard. And at about 3.15 when they do the Brokeback skit.... well I still chortle. Bruce Willis is funny! I had no idea!

Baking Queen

My phone rang this morning and I now have an appointment booked at the hospital to go for tests on my right arm to establish what's wrong with it.
The real question however is whether I confess that it was my recent attraction to baking that really screwed it up in the first place?

This morning I've been updating my cooking/recipe blog with my most recent adventures in baking, with delights like Luscious Lemon Bars, Praline Pavlova Cookies, Ladies' Kisses, Chocolate Truffle Cookies, Black Forest Gateau Cupcakes, Rocky Road Chocolate Bars, Chocolate Maltesers Cupcakes, Peanut Crunch Cookies and Chocolate Caramel Nuggets. My adventures in Ice Cream making are there too.
Got your tastebuds all moist? I bloody hope so, I make a fine cupcake and cookie I do!

Hours In The Day

I've realised it's not that there aren't enough hours in the day, it's that there are so many things to distract you from what needs to be done.

I may have spent more than a wee while chuckling over someecards this morning and I'm beginning to feel that a theme may be approaching. There are just so many great cards, so many hilariously offensive jokes that I can't keep them to myself. Not that I'm the only one with access to the site, obviously... well, you know what I meant.

And by the way, if I'm ever murdered and AM inspiration for a Law & Order episode, I only pray that it's actually Law & Order: Criminal Intent. That programme may hold another of my Celebrity Crushes in the guise of Vincent D'Onofrio, although I think it's his character Robert Goren that the crush is actually on. I'm attracted to his intelligence and quirks. So it would be great if he could investigate my murder.

Not that I'm looking to be murdered you realise, I'm hoping to live to a ripe old age, to have many cats and scare the local village children who will run past my cottage screaming "Run from Scary Cat Lady".

But, if I were to be murdered, look at the fine detective below:

Ahhhh, delicious. I know he'd find and successfully outwit the fiend who killed me.

Trouser Action

Yesterday it was August 12th. And it was cold. I decided that a jumper and tights were the order of the day.
A skirt too but that goes without saying, I'm not a great exhibitionist after all.
So, here's the question:
How did I, whilst wearing tights (admittedly of the wee fishnet variety) manage to create a 2 inch long cut in my right leg with my car keys?
No wait, it's a two part question.
How did I achieve the above and manage not to ruin my tights?

I think we'll all agree I have a spectacular talent.
I'm still not entirely sure how it happened.

Today, I dropped in to see how Mum was doing and collect my ice cream bowl (as my freezer is too small to store it). It was then suggested that we go pick the ripe blackberries across the road. Tupperware in hand, we slowly sauntered off. I moved round the back of the bush and a short while later I felt a stabbing in my leg and decided a thorn must have got me. I glanced down. No thorn. I felt my leg. There was something inside my trousers. Running further round the bush and at the behest of my mother, trousers were dropped. A wasp had got inside my trousers. And stung me.
Would you believe it?
I now have a greater dislike for them than before....

Lip Smacking

Now, steady yourself.

The deliciousness you are about to behold will have you smacking your lips.

It doesn't matter if you've already eaten, hunger will overcome you.
Forget doughnuts, chocolate, your favourite flavour of crisps, the best cake in the world; this will surpass it all.

Actually.
I lied.
You may instead experience a feeling of revulsion.
Below you will find what, in Lincolnshire, passes for food.
But more than that, hospital food.
A place where health is paramount, or rather you regaining your health.
To do this you need a balanced diet.
See:

Food must appear to have been retched up earlier in the day, caked in fat, microwaved to within an inch of its life and most importantly have zero substance and no taller than a pancake.

This, my friends, is cheese, leek and onion bake. No really, it said so on the menu.

I love hospital food. I love that this particular dish has a distinct aura of grease, you can see it deep on the plate.
The government recommends "5 a day". But not in its hospitals. If you want that in hospital, you'd damn well better have one of two things.
1. Enough fitness and mobility to go to the shop/canteen to buy it for yourself.
2. Relatives willing to bring in food with nutritional value.

I remember being in hospital, the one thing I regularly pleaded for was fruit. Taking grapes to the ill is a standing joke - but damn it, if you want a vitamin or two it's essential.

Orange juice is on the menu. I have concluded that this refers only to the colour of the liquid you are supplied, not to any fruit content.

In the times I was in hospital, waiting for surgery to remove my gallbladder I had an incredibly limited menu. Ok, I'm vegetarian, so that meant that virtually all of the 2 week rotating menu was off for me, so I turned to the patient information folder and the vegetarian menu. There were about a dozen choices on the vegetarian menu. Great! Not so much, because were they also low-fat? No.
It shouldn't be hard to eat a low-fat diet in a hospital. Should it?
It wasn't through choice, but fat + gallstones = a serious need for morphine.

I remember ordering peach slices for a pudding one day. You know how many peach slices I got? Three. The actual NHS guidelines state 2 halves. 3 slices doesn't even make one half! The NHS doesn't even follow it's own guidelines.
As I look back, I'm so furious with myself for not making a formal complaint.

However, on the upside, the ice cream is gorgeous!