Sharp Implements

I need someone to come and cook for me today. It would appear that I am not safe near anything sharper than cotton wool.
After discussing the foot injury with my mother, bandage was advised.
In my search for bandage I sliced open my thumb on a razor.
Apparently I am trying to empty myself of blood today.
I could always order a pizza for tea, but who's to say I won't get a paper cut from the box. It's risky today.